June 5, 2016

Because I Told You So

Preacher: Josh Tancordo Series: Ephesians Scripture: Ephesians 5:1–14

“Because I Told You So”—Ephesians 5:1-14

The title of our message this evening is “Because I Told You So.” I’m sure you remember hearing that as a child, and if you’re a parent, you’ve probably said that once in a while. “Why should I do this?” “Because I told you so.” “Why should I not do that?” “Because I told you so.” That’s like the universal trump card parents have whenever their kids ask too many “why” questions. It’s probably saved countless parents from going insane when it seems like the “why” questions will never end. But when it comes to the subject of our biblical text this evening, I’m not sure that’s an adequate response. Our text is about sexual ethics. 

So please open you Bible and turn with me to Ephesians 5. If you’re using the Story Bibles we provide, that’s on page 813. Ephesians chapter 5. And as we’ll see, the Bible has a lot to say about sex. Somehow, God didn’t get the memo that the subject of sex was supposed to be taboo, so he actually said a lot about it. And one of those places is Ephesians 5, and we’re going to be looking at verses 1-14. And as I read this text, I’d like you to pay close attention to the connection here between walking in love and avoiding sexual immorality. Those to things are very much connected: walking in love and avoiding sexual immorality. 

Read with me, beginning in verse 1: “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But [notice the contrast] sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness [such as the sexual immorality he just mentioned], but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, ‘Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.’

So the main thing Paul’s doing in this passage is prohibiting sexual immorality. And the phrase “sexual immorality” here refers to every kind of sexual deviancy that’s not one man and one woman in the context of marriage. Now, it would be very easy to take this passage and use it as an opportunity to rail against all the forms of sexual deviancy in society. And there are certainly plenty of them. In fact, I would suggest that the vast majority of people in our society are misusing and distorting God’s good gift of sex on a regular basis, having sex outside of marriage, viewing pornography, and on and on we could go. However, I’m not sure spending all of our time railing against those things would be the most helpful way to approach this text. For one thing, we can’t expect non-Christians to embrace Christian sexual ethics. And number two, I don’t think many Christians really understand much about God’s view of sex. Virtually the only thing they know is, “Don’t do that unless you’re married.” And they imagine that if they were to ask God, “Why?” he would probably respond, “Because I said so.” And they think that’s all there really is to it.  

So I think it would be most helpful to approach this text in a different way. First, look at the stark contrast in this text between real love and sexual immorality. Paul begins in verse 1 by encouraging the Ephesians to “be imitators of God, as beloved children.” And how should they do that? Verse 2: “And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” And then the first word of verse 3 shows the contrast: “But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you.” Biblical love and sexual immorality are polar opposites. You see, biblical love involves seeking the interests and the welfare of others. It puts them first and thinks about how it can contribute to their welfare. But when we deviate from God’s plan for sex and engage in sexual immorality, that’s not a loving thing because it robs people of enjoying sex the way God intended it to be. That’s the main thing I’d like to bring out this evening. Sexual immorality robs people of enjoying sex the way God intended it to be.

Biblical View of Sex

Now, in order to understand how that’s the case, we first have to understand “the way God intended it to be.” We have to understand the biblical view of sex. And I think the best way to do that is to examine what the biblical view of sex is not. Two things. There are two ways sex has commonly been viewed in history that are not Christian viewpoints at all. And these are helpfully identified by a pastor named Tim Keller. 

Sexual Platonism

The first is Sexual Platonism—from the Greek philosopher Plato. And Sexual Plantonism views sex as a degrading thing, a dirty thing, a kind of animal passion. You see, Plato viewed the spiritual realm as higher and the physical realm as lesser or tainted. And he argued that we should be trying to escape the physical and move up to the spiritual. And so that way of seeing things naturally leads us to view sex with disdain, as an animal passion that’s dirty. Of course, the human race has to continue to propagate itself, so sex is necessary, but it’s sort of a necessary evil. We shouldn’t be talking about it. It’s dirty, it’s filthy, it’s bad. That’s what Sexual Plantonism says. 

And even though many people associate that view of sex with Christianity, that’s actually not what the Bible teaches. That’s not the biblical view of sex. Now, unfortunately, many Christians through the centuries have allowed Sexual Platonism to influence their thinking and viewed sex as a dirty thing so that they’re hesitant even to talk about it, but that attitude toward sex is completely foreign to the Bible. The Bible teaches that sex was actually God’s idea. God is a fan of sex. And if you read the biblical book of Song of Solomon, you’ll see that God’s even a fan of enjoyable sex. He designed it to be that way. It’s not like he created Adam and Eve and left them alone for a little while and came back while they were in the middle of something and was like, “Whoa! What are you guys doing? Why, I never thought…um…I didn’t expect you to do that.” No, God created sex in Genesis and celebrates sex in the Song of Solomon and desires that it be frequently employed and enjoyed. It’s not something dirty; it’s something sacred. And the reason God gives us such specific instructions for engaging in sex is because he wants us to treat it like the special, sacred thing that it is.

Sexual Realism

Moving forward, the second way people have commonly viewed sex is what we might call Sexual Realism. First we had Sexual Platonism, now we have Sexual Realism. And this view basically says that sex is a natural appetite that’s similar to any other bodily appetite—much like eating or sleeping. Whenever you feel like doing it, you should do it. Eat when you want to eat, sleep when you want to sleep, and have sex when you want to have sex. It’s a natural appetite. This was the way many of the ancient Greek and Romans viewed sex, and it’s also the way most people in our society view sex today. If it feels good, if you have the urge to do it, just do it. Treat it like any other natural appetite. And in fact, since it is a natural appetite, repressing it can actually be harmful. So don’t repress your sexual desires. Treat sex as a natural biological drive that’s pretty much like any other. 

However, the Bible teaches something a lot different. It says that our sexual desires are actually broken and have gone haywire. So it’s not safe just to follow our sexual appetite wherever it leads us like we would follow other appetites. Our sexual appetite is much more often perverted and driven to extremes compared to our other appetites. For example, imagine you traveled to a country where people went to extraordinary lengths to see food uncovered. They would sneak away to special clubs where they could watch delicious foods slowly being uncovered on the stage. They would spend hours in front of their computer screens looking at videos of steaks being uncovered and lamb chops coming out of the oven. Guys would have pictures on their phone of their favorite meal that they liked to eat. If you went to that country, and saw people behaving that way, you’d probably come to the conclusion that something’s very strange and abnormal about their appetite for food. That’s not just a regular appetite. Something’s off there. And that’s what the Bible teaches about sex. 

So, contrary to Sexual Platonism, sex is a good gift of God—not a dirty thing but a good gift to be celebrated and enjoyed. But contrary to Sexual Realism, sex isn’t just another natural appetite; it’s an appetite that’s been distorted in a significant way. 

How Sexual Immorality Robs People

And now that we understand a little more about the biblical view of sex, let’s think about our main text in Ephesians 5 some more and consider why Paul is so rigid about prohibiting sexual immorality. I mean, that’s basically what he spends twelve verses doing in Ephesians 5—so why does he do that? As I mentioned before, I think it’s at least in part because sexual immorality robs people of enjoying sex the way God intended it to be. And it does that in three ways.

Sexual Immorality Robs People of Healthy Intimacy

First, sexual immorality robs people of healthy intimacy. When people have sex outside of marriage, it robs them of healthy intimacy. They have a kind of intimacy together—there’s certainly a bond that’s created when they have sex—but it’s not healthy intimacy. And the reason it’s not healthy intimacy is because it’s not undergirded by the stability that comes from marital commitments.

Don’t raise your hand, but how many of you have had a sexual relationship with someone and then you two went your separate ways, and you were incredibly hurt by that—and to this day, you still carry within you emotional wounds and emotional baggage from that relationship? I’ve had a number of people tell me that it felt like their heart was being ripped out of their chest, and they’re still limping from it today. It’s a very common thing in our society, so common in fact that we sometimes assume it’s just a part of life. But according to the Bible, it’s not supposed to be a part of life. All of that emotional hurt and damage and baggage wouldn’t exist if everyone in this world followed God’s instructions for sex. 

God designed sex as an act that binds two people together on many different levels—emotional and spiritual as well as physical. And that’s why there’s supposed to be the safeguard of marriage commitment in place to make sure that bond isn’t painfully ripped apart. Genesis 2:24 states God’s intention very clearly. It says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” So according to this verse, God intends for a man and his wife to “become one flesh.” That means enjoy a complete personal union. And that union doesn’t just rest on an emotional connection the way many people today assume. I mean, it seems pretty unrealistic to think that mere emotion to serve as the basis for this union. Emotions come and emotions go. So God requires a covenant. 

Covenants in the Bible are sacred agreements between two parties where they commit to doing certain things. And over and over again in the Bible we see covenant commitments serving as the foundation for significant relationships. God makes a covenant with Abraham, a covenant with Moses, a covenant with David, a covenant with the church. God’s pattern is to protect significant relationships with covenant commitments. And following that pattern, he requires men and women to make a binding, public, and legal covenant with each other in the form of their wedding vows so that these covenant commitments can serve as the infrastructure for their intimacy. The marriage covenant creates security in a relationship that makes it safe to be vulnerable. We’re only supposed to have that level of vulnerability and intimacy with someone who’s bindingly promised to be exclusively faithful to us rather than someone who’s under no obligation to stay with us even one more night. I mean, think about it. We try not to make ourselves vulnerable in other areas of life. I’m friends with a lot of people, but I don’t give them my bank account information. I also don’t go Mount Oliver at midnight to take a walk and get some fresh air. And would anyone here buy a car if that car didn’t come with locks on the doors? These are always we protect our vulnerabilities.  And when you think about it, it just makes sense to do the same with our hearts and our emotions and the spiritual aspect of our being. It just makes sense to require a covenant. And that covenant is completed or consummated by the initial sex act. And then every time the married couple has sex after that, they’re renewing that covenant. It’s like they’re renewing their vows every time they have sex. It’s a covenant renewal. 

But when people engage in sexual immorality, it robs them of the safety and security of that covenant commitment. It robs them of enjoying intimacy in a healthy way.

Sexual Immorality Distorts the Gospel 

And not only does sexual immorality rob people of healthy intimacy, but it also distorts the gospel. That’s the other way sexual immorality robs people of everything God intended sex to be. God designed sex as a picture of the gospel.  

You see, when we were drowning in the filth of our sin and condemned before God with no way to help ourselves or rescue ourselves, God came to our rescue. He made a covenant commitment to love us and save us and make a way for us to be with him forever. And then he followed through with that by sending his son Jesus to this earth. Jesus became a real human being and faced all the things we face but didn’t sin even one time. And then he died on the cross to take upon himself the punishment for our sins. All of the judgment and wrath that should have been directed toward us was directed toward Jesus instead. And then he resurrected from the dead and ascended into heaven as the victorious ruler of the universe. And the Bible says he relates to the church—his people—the way a groom relates to his bride. In fact, the New Testament commonly speaks of the church as “the bride of Christ.” 

And there’s a unique and exclusive love that Jesus has for the church. Of course, he loves everyone in the world in a general way, but he loves his bride in a special way. Kind of like me, as a husband, having a special kind of love for my wife. It’s not that I don’t love other women, but there’s a uniqueness and an exclusivity to my love for Becky. And in the same way, there’s a sense in which God loves his bride exclusively. And it’s not like God just chooses every day whether he’s going to love his bride like that. No, he’s made a covenant commitment to his bride, to continue loving her that way, and we trust him to remain faithful to that commitment for all eternity. 

So the gospel tells us a story of God loving his bride, redeeming his bride, and making a sacred commitment to remain faithful to his bride forever. But sexual immorality distorts that picture. It presents a different picture of God; it tells a different story about the gospel—a story where there’s no commitment and no need to be faithful. And in the end, it robs us of the glorious, pure, and beautiful picture of the gospel that God intended sex to be. 

Conclusion

So as we think about Ephesians 5 and about how rigid Paul is in prohibiting sexual immorality, it makes a lot of sense. Sexual immorality robs us of enjoying sex the way God intended it to be. It robs us of healthy intimacy, and it distorts a beautiful picture of the gospel. And that’s a big deal. Because this life isn’t about us; it’s about God. And when we engage in sexual immorality, we’re not just robbing ourselves. We’re robbing God of the glory and the allegiance and the worship that he so deserves. And you know as well as I do that’s happening countless times every day in our society. God’s being robbed of his glory. And we don’t even notice it most of the time. We’re exposed to it, and it doesn’t even register as problematic. Kind of like a fish doesn’t know that it’s wet because it’s swimming in an ocean of water, we don’t know how deeply we’ve been influenced by the world—and that’s perhaps the most true when it comes to sex.

God has a better plan for us. And he comes down hard on sexual immorality in Ephesians 5 because he cares about us and he wants what’s best for us. Kind of like the rules parents make for their children. They make those rules out of love. It’s because I love Caleb that I tell him he can’t play with his toys in the street. It’s because I love Silas that I tell him he can’t climb the stairs at this age. And it’s because God loves us that he gives us instructions and boundaries for the good gift of sex.

other sermons in this series

Jul 17

2016

Jul 10

2016

A Spiritual Battle

Preacher: Josh Tancordo Scripture: Ephesians 6:10–12 Series: Ephesians

Jun 26

2016

The Beauty of a Biblical Marriage

Preacher: Josh Tancordo Scripture: Ephesians 5:22–33 Series: Ephesians