1 Samuel 25:1-44: The Wisdom of a Peacemaker

1 Samuel 25:1-44: The Wisdom of a Peacemaker 

We’ve been working our way passage by passage through the book of 1 Samuel, and today the next passage we come to is 1 Samuel 25:1-44, so I’ll be reading a selection of verses from that passage. Hear now the words of the Living and True God:

…² And there was a man in Maon whose business was in Carmel. The man was very rich; he had three thousand sheep and a thousand goats. He was shearing his sheep in Carmel. ³ Now the name of the man was Nabal, and the name of his wife Abigail. The woman was discerning and beautiful, but the man was harsh and badly behaved; he was a Calebite. ⁴ David heard in the wilderness that Nabal was shearing his sheep. ⁵ So David sent ten young men. And David said to the young men, “Go up to Carmel, and go to Nabal and greet him in my name. ⁶ And thus you shall greet him: ‘Peace be to you, and peace be to your house, and peace be to all that you have. ⁷ I hear that you have shearers. Now your shepherds have been with us, and we did them no harm, and they missed nothing all the time they were in Carmel. ⁸ Ask your young men, and they will tell you. Therefore let my young men find favor in your eyes, for we come on a feast day. Please give whatever you have at hand to your servants and to your son David.’ ” ⁹ When David’s young men came, they said all this to Nabal in the name of David, and then they waited. ¹⁰ And Nabal answered David’s servants, “Who is David? Who is the son of Jesse? There are many servants these days who are breaking away from their masters. ¹¹ Shall I take my bread and my water and my meat that I have killed for my shearers and give it to men who come from I do not know where?” ¹² So David’s young men turned away and came back and told him all this. ¹³ And David said to his men, “Every man strap on his sword!” And every man of them strapped on his sword. David also strapped on his sword. And about four hundred men went up after David, while two hundred remained with the baggage…. ¹⁸ Then Abigail made haste and took two hundred loaves and two skins of wine and five sheep already prepared and five seahs of parched grain and a hundred clusters of raisins and two hundred cakes of figs, and laid them on donkeys…. ²⁰ And as she rode on the donkey and came down under cover of the mountain, behold, David and his men came down toward her, and she met them. ²¹ Now David had said, “Surely in vain have I guarded all that this fellow has in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that belonged to him, and he has returned me evil for good. ²² God do so to the enemies of David and more also, if by morning I leave so much as one male of all who belong to him.” ²³ When Abigail saw David, she hurried and got down from the donkey and fell before David on her face and bowed to the ground. ²⁴ She fell at his feet and said, “On me alone, my lord, be the guilt. Please let your servant speak in your ears, and hear the words of your servant. ²⁵ Let not my lord regard this worthless fellow, Nabal, for as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name, and folly is with him. But I your servant did not see the young men of my lord, whom you sent. ²⁶ Now then, my lord, as the Lord lives, and as your soul lives, because the Lord has restrained you from bloodguilt and from saving with your own hand, now then let your enemies and those who seek to do evil to my lord be as Nabal. ²⁷ And now let this present that your servant has brought to my lord be given to the young men who follow my lord. ²⁸ Please forgive the trespass of your servant”…. ³² And David said to Abigail,… ³³ “Blessed be your discretion, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodguilt and from working salvation with my own hand!”... ³⁵ Then David received from her hand what she had brought him. And he said to her, “Go up in peace to your house. See, I have obeyed your voice, and I have granted your petition.”…

May God bless the reading of his Word.

 Let’s pray: Father, we find it written that “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” Help us to view your word that way this morning—not merely as an interesting subject for study or as a helpful resource for various situations but as our very life. May we experience it as that, through the ministry of your Spirit. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen. 

Well, it’s not often that you’ll hear a report about the latest Beyoncé concert here at Redeeming Grace, but an article came across my news feed last week about something that happened right after a recent Beyoncé concert in Atlanta. Unfortunately, there was what’s been described as a stampede of people as they left the concert. And a total of eight people actually had to go to the hospital because of injuries they suffered in this stampede.

And at first, it was unclear what had caused the stampeded since there didn’t appear to be any kind of emergency or violence or anything like that. But eventually, investigators managed to piece together what had happened. Apparently, a 10-year-old girl saw a bug and screamed. And those around her in the crowd thought something terrible was happening. So, one thing led to another, and things somehow escalated to such an extent that eight people suffered injuries that required medical attention at a nearby hospital.

Similarly, we read in our main passage of 1 Samuel 25 about an issue that was originally relatively small but that quickly escalated into something much more significant. A foolish insult is not taken very well at all and almost results in massive bloodshed. And as we walk through this passage, we’ll make several observations not only about how quickly conflicts can escalate but also about how we can address them and resolve them in a biblical manner. We’ll also take a good hard look specifically at anger and the roots of anger within our hearts.

So, to state it concisely, the main idea of this passage is that the wisdom of a peacemaker can prevent foolishness and anger from having disastrous consequences. Again, the wisdom of a peacemaker can prevent foolishness and anger from having disastrous consequences. 

So, let’s begin by looking at verses 1-4: ¹ Now Samuel died. And all Israel assembled and mourned for him, and they buried him in his house at Ramah. Then David rose and went down to the wilderness of Paran. ² And there was a man in Maon whose business was in Carmel. The man was very rich; he had three thousand sheep and a thousand goats. He was shearing his sheep in Carmel. ³ Now the name of the man was Nabal, and the name of his wife Abigail. The woman was discerning and beautiful, but the man was harsh and badly behaved; he was a Calebite.

So, in these verses, we’re introduced to the main characters of the story: David, Nabal, and Abigail. And already we’re told that, in contrast to his “discerning and beautiful” wife Abigail, Nabal is “harsh and badly behaved.” In fact, as we’ll see later in the chapter, Nabal’s name literally means “fool”! Now, I’m not sure who would name their kid “fool,” but, for whatever reason, that’s the name Nabal’s parents apparently thought was most appropriate for him. And as we’ll see, they weren’t wrong about that. 

Moving on to verses 5-8, it says, ⁵ So David sent ten young men. And David said to the young men, “Go up to Carmel, and go to Nabal and greet him in my name. ⁶ And thus you shall greet him: ‘Peace be to you, and peace be to your house, and peace be to all that you have. ⁷ I hear that you have shearers. Now your shepherds have been with us, and we did them no harm, and they missed nothing all the time they were in Carmel. ⁸ Ask your young men, and they will tell you. Therefore let my young men find favor in your eyes, for we come on a feast day. Please give whatever you have at hand to your servants and to your son David.’”

So, notice how reasonable and respectful David’s request is. As we’ll see later in the chapter, not only did David’s men not do any harm to Nabal’s shepherds, they actually provided a valuable service to Nabal’s shepherds by actively protecting them from various kinds of dangers. So, for David to ask Nabal for some food is a very reasonable request.

David also makes this request very respectfully. After wishing peace upon Nabal and upon his entire household, David speaks of himself as being in a subordinate position to Nabal. David says through his messengers, “Please give whatever you have at hand to your servants and to your son David.” Even though David has 600 men under his command, he rather remarkably assumes a subordinate position in his message to Nabal.

After that, verses 9-11 tell us, ⁹ When David’s young men came, they said all this to Nabal in the name of David, and then they waited. ¹⁰ And Nabal answered David’s servants, “Who is David? Who is the son of Jesse? There are many servants these days who are breaking away from their masters. ¹¹ Shall I take my bread and my water and my meat that I have killed for my shearers and give it to men who come from I do not know where?”

So, talk about a grouchy neighbor—Nabal really takes the cake in his response to David. And Nabal actually goes beyond mere grouchiness. It’s bad enough that Nabal refuses David’s reasonable and respectful request. That in itself demonstrates a rather conspicuous lack of gratitude for the services David had rendered to Nabal’s shepherds. But it gets even worse, because Nabal goes so far as to respond to David’s request with open contempt. This demonstrates how impulsive and foolish Nabal is—especially considering the fact that David had 600 men under his command.

Verses 12-13 then tell us, ¹² So David’s young men turned away and came back and told him all this. ¹³ And David said to his men, “Every man strap on his sword!” And every man of them strapped on his sword. David also strapped on his sword. And about four hundred men went up after David, while two hundred remained with the baggage.

Obviously, this isn’t exactly David’s finest moment. Even after showing such admirable restraint in the previous chapter in not killing Saul when he had the chance, David shows virtually no restraint in the present situation. As soon as he gets word of Nabal’s insulting and contemptuous reply, David straps on his sword, tells his men to do the same, and then sets off to go and pay Nabal a visit. 

Of course, this is the exact opposite of the way the Bible instructs us to respond when people insult us or display contempt toward us. 1 Peter 3:9 states, “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.” And Jesus says in Luke 6:27-28: ²⁷ “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, ²⁸ bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.”

And of course, the ultimate model for the kind of response Jesus talks about is Jesus himself on the cross. We read in 1 Peter 2:23-24 that, ²³ When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. ²⁴ He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree…. So, Jesus himself shows us how we should respond to insults and other forms of animosity that are directed toward us. We shouldn’t retaliate but should instead “entrust [our]selves to him who judges justly.”

Unfortunately, though, David doesn’t do that in our main passage. And so often, we’re tempted to respond in a manner similar to David. So often, we feel like strapping on our sword, so to speak, and giving others what we think they deserve. Although we usually don’t resort to physical violence, we do often try to retaliate in a wide variety of other ways. 

In addition, the way David responds to Nabal’s contempt shows how quickly someone’s anger can be triggered, given the right kind of provocation. Even someone who’s typically very calm and rational can become enraged and irrational in an instant. One of the most notable examples of this, especially nowadays, is road rage. I’m sure we’ve all seen people—or at least seen videos of people or heard reports about people—being overcome with anger while driving because of some relatively silly way in which another driver has wronged or offended them.

And in reality, I imagine that anger is something the vast majority of people struggle with in different ways and to different degrees. Even if you’ve never experienced road rage because of someone else’s driving, there are probably other things that do trigger your anger. Now, there is such a thing as righteous anger—in which we become angry for the right reasons and with the right mentality. This righteous anger is rooted in a desire to see God glorified.

However, if we’re honest, I think we’d have to admit that our anger usually isn’t righteous but rather unrighteous. And whenever we find ourselves being filled—and at times overcome—with unrighteous anger, we should ask ourselves what our anger reveals about our hearts. A couple of months ago, we talked about going from fruit to root. That is, what does the “fruit” of our outward behavior reveal about what’s within our hearts? Because it’s not until we address the “roots” of our behaviors within our hearts that we’re able to experience meaningful change.

So, when it comes to anger, here are four things anger often reveals within our hearts. First, anger often reveals our idolatrous desires. We all desire different things. And sometimes, we desire these things so much that they become more important to us than God is. That’s the definition of an idolatrous desire. It’s a desire that’s essentially displaced God in our lives. And perhaps the most common telltale sign of an idolatrous desire within our hearts is the presence of another sin—usually one that’s more easily observed, such as anger.

When we become angry at someone and behave in an unloving way toward them in our anger, that’s an indication that an idolatrous desire of some kind is lurking within our hearts. Maybe we desire control, comfort, respect, recognition, or something else. And so, whenever someone gets in the way of us having what we desire, we become angry.

For example, I was at the bank last week engaging in a relatively simple transaction, and they were unbelievably slow. Even though I was the second person in line, it still took them somewhere between 20-30 minutes for them to do what was needed. Fortunately, I managed to be polite on the outside, but on the inside, I was beyond annoyed. And I’m sad to say that I actually had a wonderful opportunity to share the gospel during that interaction that I failed to take advantage of because I was so irked by how long a relatively simple transaction took to process. So, what does that reveal about my heart? Probably that I have an idolatrous desire to be productive. And when that bank teller’s extreme slowness got in the way of my productivity, I became angry.

So, what about you? In what kinds of situations do you often find yourself becoming angry? And what does that say about which idolatrous desires likely exist within your heart?

Second, anger often reveals our pride. This is especially true whenever we become angry in response to someone insulting us or treating us in a demeaning or condescending way. The fact is that most of us think rather highly of ourselves. So, when someone doesn’t regard us as the important people we think we are or treat us with the respect we think we deserve, we become angry. This is why David becomes angry in our main passage when Nabal replies to him in such a disrespectful and insulting way. The degree of our anger in those kinds of situations reveals the degree of our pride.

Then, third, anger often reveals our lack of trust in God. The Bible teaches in Ephesians 1:11 that God’s working through everything to accomplish his perfect purposes, and it also tells us in Romans 8:28 that God causes all things to work together for our good. So, whenever we become angry at something, our anger reveals that we’re doubting that God’s really at work in our situation—as frustrating as our situation might be. By contrast, trusting God involves being patient in the midst of frustrating circumstances and perhaps even thanking God for whatever good things he’s using our circumstances to accomplish—even if we’re not sure of what exactly those good things are.

In addition, there are also times when our anger causes us to lash out at others and even try to punish them and retaliate against them for things they’ve done against us. This is precisely what David does in our main passage. Yet this also demonstrates a lack of trust in God. Whenever we take justice into our own hands, we’re not trusting God to dispense justice. Romans 12:19 states, Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” So, an important way we demonstrate trust in God when others wrong us is by letting God deal with them according to his perfect justice instead of us taking matters into our own hands.

And fourth, anger often reveals bitterness or unforgiveness. If we become angry at a certain person in our lives even for relatively small offenses, that may be an indication that we’re actually still angry at them for something they’ve done against us in the past that we haven’t yet forgiven. So, if you frequently find yourself becoming angry at someone in a way that most people would consider to be disproportionate to their actual offense, you may want to consider whether there’s something from the past you’re still holding onto. 

So, hopefully these four items are helpful as we seek to go “from fruit to root” when it comes to our anger and identify the sources of anger within our hearts. Just like loud noises coming from under the hood of a car are a pretty good indication that something’s wrong with the car’s engine, anger is likewise an indication that something’s wrong within our hearts.

And of course, whenever we identify what’s going on within our hearts, we should seek to address it not merely in our own strength but rather in the power of the Spirit of God working through the Word of God. Only the Spirit of God working through the Word of God can bring about real change within our hearts.

Then, as we move forward in our main passage, we read about Nabal’s wife Abigail intervening in the situation and successfully de-escalating it. When Abigail hears of how her husband Nabal responded to David’s reasonable request for food even after David had protected Nabal’s shepherds, she acts quickly. Verses 18-20: ¹⁸ Then Abigail made haste and took two hundred loaves and two skins of wine and five sheep already prepared and five seahs of parched grain and a hundred clusters of raisins and two hundred cakes of figs, and laid them on donkeys. ¹⁹ And she said to her young men, “Go on before me; behold, I come after you.” But she did not tell her husband Nabal. ²⁰ And as she rode on the donkey and came down under cover of the mountain, behold, David and his men came down toward her, and she met them.

So, Abigail sends her gift on ahead of her in order to make a favorable impression on David before she encounters him. She also conveniently forgets to tell her husband Nabal what she’s doing.

We then read in verses 21-28, ²¹ Now David had said, “Surely in vain have I guarded all that this fellow has in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that belonged to him, and he has returned me evil for good. ²² God do so to the enemies of David and more also, if by morning I leave so much as one male of all who belong to him.” ²³ When Abigail saw David, she hurried and got down from the donkey and fell before David on her face and bowed to the ground. ²⁴ She fell at his feet and said, “On me alone, my lord, be the guilt. Please let your servant speak in your ears, and hear the words of your servant. ²⁵ Let not my lord regard this worthless fellow, Nabal, for as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name, and folly is with him. But I your servant did not see the young men of my lord, whom you sent. ²⁶ Now then, my lord, as the Lord lives, and as your soul lives, because the Lord has restrained you from bloodguilt and from saving with your own hand, now then let your enemies and those who seek to do evil to my lord be as Nabal. ²⁷ And now let this present that your servant has brought to my lord be given to the young men who follow my lord. ²⁸ Please forgive the trespass of your servant. For the Lord will certainly make my lord a sure house, because my lord is fighting the battles of the Lord, and evil shall not be found in you so long as you live.”

So, Abigail pleads with David to disregard Nabal’s foolish behavior, accept her present that she’s brought to him, and forgive the offense that’s been committed against him. She also expresses confidence that David will keep himself “from bloodguilt and from saving with your own hand.” One reason this is so interesting is that this is the very thing David had deliberately avoided doing in the previous chapter when he had an opportunity to kill Saul in the cave. So, unbeknownst to Abigail, she was appealing to David to avoid the same thing he had successfully avoided as recently as the previous chapter. Perhaps this is one reason why her appeal is so effective.

The subsequent verses record David commending what he calls Abigail’s “discretion” and blessing her for her wise intervention. He then tells her in verse 35, “Go up in peace to your house. See, I have obeyed your voice, and I have granted your petition.” After that, we learn that God actually ends up striking Nabal dead for his foolishness. David then takes Abigail as his own wife.

So, out of all the characters in this chapter, Abigail is the one who demonstrates the most wisdom. She’s the one God uses to avert what can only be described as a disaster in the making. Apart from Abigail’s intervention as a peacemaker, David would have done something that would have been a terrible blemish on his reputation and cast a dark shadow over his future kingship. 

And like Abigail, we also should seek to be peacemakers. In Matthew 5:9, Jesus says, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” Being a peacemaker involves not only seeking to help others live at peace with each other but also doing everything possible to live at peace with others ourselves. Paul states in Romans 12:17-18, ¹⁷ Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. ¹⁸ If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Although we’re not able to control others or make them live at peace with us, we’re still commanded to do everything we’re able to do to have peaceful and harmonious relationships.

And as we seek to do this, I’d like to briefly share with you five principles for resolving conflicts in a biblical way. I’ve adapted these from some of the guidelines that Ken Sande lays out in his book titled The Peacemaker.

First, consider your own contribution to the conflict. In Matthew 7:3-5, Jesus says, ³ Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? ⁴ Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. So, before addressing anyone else’s contribution to a conflict, we need to first examine ourselves and the way our own actions have contributed to the current situation. Even if the situation began with the other person wronging us in some way, there’s still a good chance that we’ve responded to their sin with sin of our own.

Second, confess to others any ways in which you’ve wronged them. In the course of your self-examination, you may discover that you’ve sinned against others. So, if that’s the case, confess to them ways in which you spoke or acted inappropriately, and ask for their forgiveness.

Then, third, overlook the offenses of others whenever possible. Proverbs 19:11 states, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Now, there are some situations in which it’s not appropriate to overlook someone’s sin—such as if as if their sin is bringing public dishonor to God or if it’s causing significant harm to the person or to those around them or to your relationship with them. But most of the time, you should be able to simply overlook ways in which others wrong you. In the grand scheme of things, I’d say at least 80% of the things others do against us really aren’t that big of a deal.

After that, a fourth peacemaking principle is to confront sin whenever necessary. Although it’s advisable to overlook offenses committed against us whenever possible, there are times—as I said a moment ago—when confrontation is necessary. In Matthew 18:15, Jesus says, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.”

Notice here what Jesus doesn’t say to do when your brother sins against you. He doesn’t say go gossip about their sin to others. He doesn’t say act in a passive-aggressive manner toward them until they figure out what they’ve done. And he doesn’t say try to ignore what they’ve done even when it’s obviously harming your relationship with them. No, Jesus says, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault”—with the goal of persuading him to repent and thereby re-establishing a harmonious relationship. So, we see here that being a peacemaker isn’t about avoiding conflict or simply pretending that nothing’s wrong. Rather, it’s about lovingly working toward a restored relationship.

You know, I recently learned the hard way what happens when you don’t address rust on the undercarriage of a vehicle. Believe it or not, it doesn’t get better but simply gets progressively worse until it basically destroys the vehicle. And that’s what unresolved sins will do to our relationships if we don’t address them as Jesus tells us to do.

And finally, a fifth principle is to confront in love rather than anger. Our primary purpose in confrontation shouldn’t be to vent our feelings but rather to lead someone to repentance and enjoy a restored relationship with them. That’s not likely to happen if we confront someone in an angry or harsh manner. Instead, we need to make sure we’re spiritually prepared to confront the person by praying that God would give us a heart of love for them. And we should view the confrontation not as a way to punish the person but rather as a way to serve the person.

So, I believe these five principles will help us as we seek to be the peacemakers God calls us to be. And if you’ll allow me to draw your attention back to what Jesus says in Matthew 5:9—“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God”—notice that when we act as peacemakers, we’re actually reflecting God’s own character and engaging in a ministry that God himself engages in. I believe that’s part of what Jesus means when he says peacemakers “shall be called sons of God.” God himself is a Peacemaker, so when we act as peacemakers, we’re called “sons of God.”

And the ultimate way in which God’s acted as a Peacemaker is by reconciling rebellious sinners to himself. When we had foolishly made ourselves enemies of God by our rebellion against him and were therefore destined for eternal punishment, God took the initiative to make peace. And he did this by sending his own Son, Jesus, into this world to live a perfectly righteous life in our place and eventually die on the cross in our place, thereby making atonement for our sins.

Colossians 1:19-20 says it like this, with reference to Jesus: ¹⁹ For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, ²⁰ and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. So, even though we were once enemies of God, these verses say that we can be “reconciled” with God and enjoy “peace” with God through the blood Jesus shed on the cross. It’s for this reason that Jesus is the ultimate Peacemaker.

In verse 24 of our main passage, we’re told that Abigail fell at David’s feet and said, “On me alone, my lord, be the guilt.” Abigail was willing to bear the “guilt” herself of Nabal’s offense—so that everyone else in Nabal’s household might be spared. Yet not only was Jesus willing to bear our guilt, he actually did bear our guilt in his death on the cross. It’s for this reason that Jesus is an even greater Peacemaker than Abigail—as the one who bore our guilt and thereby made peace between us and God. Jesus was then raised from the dead with the result that he now offers to save everyone who turns away from their sinful rebellion and puts their trust in him.

And for those of us who have already done that and are already Christians, it’s important for us to remember that all of our efforts to be peacemakers in our daily lives are rooted in the ministry of the ultimate Peacemaker, Jesus. It’s on the basis of the reconciliation he’s brought about through the cross that we pursue reconciliation in our own lives and relationships. Not only that, when we strive to live as peacemakers, we’re reflecting God’s own character.